I love my friend who's not a believer yet and is so authentic and childlike with her questions that she sets me thinking and digging deeper into my own faith.
so today I was chatting to her (after a delightfully lavish feast by her father-in-law again...I think my mom would be totally mortified at the fact that I can go so often to a friend's place without any sense of shame and enjoy people's hospitality so unapologetically)... and I asked if she had received Christ before... I wasn't sure cos she has been visiting a church with me and her three sisters are all Christians...
She said that she hasn't and I asked her about what is stopping her... she replied that she hasn't felt the need to....and I started to think about all the reasons why someone should receive Christ...
More peace, more security, more joy..
Healer, provider...
I couldn't think of more reasons and thought that it's true... she really didn't need God...her family was fine, her kids are beautiful and very healthy... and her career was fine too...
and I thought about the reasons why I had accepted Christ...
because I wanted a better way of doing life... I had seen my parents worship spiteful, unpredictable Gods which required constant stroking of their egos by offerings and prayers and thought that it didn't do them very much good other than rain down a myriad of curses into the family...(they went to a medium when I was born and was told that I will never be close to them....so as much as I tried, I feel like my mom has always kept her distance...Dad believes that bad things happen to him because of stuff he has eaten or things he has done...ie: he got a stroke because he ate beef...not because of any links of the beef affecting his cholesterol levels but just that his Gods were upset with him for this offense and needed to punish him... some wonderful religion huh?)
because I had lived with depression for so long that I thought it was 'normal' to be depressed and that in my darkest days, when I thought that I should just kill myself, Jesus was the answer...He healed my heart and gave me a new identity..instead of a curse, I became a blessing....a perfect and purposeful child of God of the 'right' gender instead of a mistake and a disappointment...
because He is Johovah Jireh...my provider...when I had any lack, He has proven himself faithful time and time again....jobs when I needed them, lucky draw prizes such regular occurences that my friends are more surprised when I do not win stuff... than when I actually do...
and I realized that was all God is to me...
I had shortchanged my friend..
I even told her that I thought that my personal view is that at the point of death, God is gracious and will still allow us to go to heaven if we accept His son as our saviour....
Is that right?
I had completely forgotten to tell her that it's because Jesus is the answer to everything. That He is God and He has been sent to earth to save us from our sins by dying on the cross. That we are sinners in need of a saviour. Maybe I haven't had that conviction... perhaps I'm still a pharisee or 'elder brother'... believing that I had done everything right and God is lucky to have me on his team....
Ok...this is really hard to face up to... I honestly don't see myself as a sinner...I see myself more like a victim of circumstances and think that I have turned out pretty well for the crappy family God has given me... ! And that I have turned to God cos He provides so many benefits...!!! Do I really love God..?? or know God....? Oh man...!
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