"No worries, be safe."

I behave terribly in terms of being on time. I am almost always on time and give my friends such a hard time about being punctual that I think they are all rather scared of me.

I remember there was once I went out with a girlfriend and I was slightly late...and she told me that while waiting for me that she wondered if she "was at the wrong place because Chin Ting is never late!"

So today, serving in Sunday school, I woke up late and messaged the team to inform them that I was running late...and my team leader replied, "No worries, be safe."

I was awed by her reply. Wow. Not only is she not mad at me (and be scolded as I think I deserve), she was even concerned about my safety....

It made me wonder why I have such a huge (and crazy) reaction whenever my friends were late..... (and I have to be clear..I am only usually terribly punctual when going out with friends but not so particular in terms of work or school)

Why? Cos my underlying belief might be that when a person is late, the person does not care...and  does not cherish the friendship.. ( and school/ work is nothing personal directed to any one individual..)

or it could be learned behaviour from my dad... who throws a fit every time we have to go anywhere and insists that we all leave an hour EARLY... I suspect it has something to do with his childhood abandonment issues...... that when people are late, people with abandonment issues start playing back negative tapes and start freaking out that the person is going to abandon them.. (no, I cannot claim credit for this theory.... Karrolyn Merriman talked about it...)

but yeah, I think the bottom line is that I take my friends' being late personally..... as if they were doing something to me when in fact it is not and it could just be due to something else in their lives... (in mitigation, I was late this morning cos I have been sick and not able to sleep the night before..which obviously has nothing to do with my Sunday school team mates..)

so hopefully, this part of the puzzle has been unravelled....and we should see if I still behave in a crazy way the next time a friend is late...

fall out

it's been about a week since the beloved Keeper has returned to the States and I was thinking that this next couple of months might be rather uneventful but to my surprise, they have been anything but.. 

I do have some errands which I need to complete... namely the name change on my identity card and passport and then I would have to inform the banks, the CPF board, income tax and the insurance companies.. but I thought that those errands wouldn't take up that much time and was looking for courses to join and have signed up for a website and webpage design class and also a webpage maintenance tutorial.. OH! and a hair cutting course!! That starts Wednesday and I told the teacher that I just mainly wanted to cut my own fringe and my husband and children's hair in the future.. the classes will be at a hair salon which is near my place and which I used to frequent as a teenager and I remember seeing them train hair stylists but I think they have stopped doing that for a number of years.. and they were rather surprised when I turned up with my request... and now I have ONE brave friend willing to be my model..apparently I need five models...the friend who agreed said, "but my hair is so short...gimme me two weeks to grow it longer.." He's so gracious!! Hehe..but it's true that his hair is very short...it's almost a military crop... 

and then I have the fallout from the wedding dinner to handle... 

what fallout? 

Dealing with disgruntled friends and relatives... 

1. a friend who informed me that she had food poisoning and couldn't attend. We had a small tiff a few days before the wedding and I sorta suspected that it might have something to do with her non-attendance... I only sent her a message about 10 days after the wedding dinner to thank her for her blessings and she was offended that it took me so long..she expected me to reply immediately on the day of the wedding to ask after 'a sick friend' (her own words) ... she made quite a number of assumptions which forced me to look into my core beliefs and think about her core beliefs.. 

mine being: "If a friend does not turn up for my wedding (like the biggest day of my life!), then the friend is not worth keeping..."

hers maybe: "My friend should always ask about how I am when I tell them I am sick no matter how busy or stressed they might be..." 

2. my younger sister who thought that I was being horribly mean to her sister in law and friend...the two girls refused to sit where they were allocated and in frustration, I told her that they could go home if they were so unhappy... and she hasn't spoken to me since the wedding dinner and I spoke to her two nights ago and found out that she thought that I had treated them like dogs and asked me very angrily why I had been such a control freak if God is on my side... which makes me want to ask her back the question why she had broken down and cried at the wedding dinner and made the atmosphere so awkward if she has God too... Ah.... 

and then she came to me the next day and said that she had been praying about the situation and asked God what is so important that she must tell me before I leave for the States and she said that it's 'rest in Him'... so ok, I'm not exactly resistant to the idea but not entirely convinced too... cos I do see the results of her 'resting' (ie: lack of planning) and find the concept baffling.... it's really small things like not planning ahead and getting an EZlink card and having to pay more cash and making thoughtless purchases and not doing research and just seemingly blindly going through life... 

but I do see the value of being so intimately connected to God that every step and decision is guided by Him.... 

Which is not that bad of an idea..I acknowledge that it's definitely easier to follow methods and structures and to use tools...ie: your marriage is on the rocks? Well, have you heard of the Five Love Languages??  etc etc.. instead of first going to the One who created the idea of marriage... it is harder to seek God.. but definitely more rewarding.... hmmm 

Busy-ness...

I get upset at friends who tell me that they are so busy they can't meet up...(contrary to a recent news article which pointed out that it's increasingly common for people to associate importance to busy-ness...I just thought that people who are so busy are poor planners..)

Well..now I think I finally understand..it's a few more days till my husband's arrival (4!) and the wedding dinner (11!)..I have a few errands planned for today and maybe something on Friday and a couple of things planned for the weekend...my calendar is not that full but my mind is so preoccupied that when a friend asks me if we can meet for a meal, I realize that no, I can't...i don't have any more energy that I can spare....(even thought technically I'm not doing that much..) 

But ok...everything is on track...all the non-negotiables are finalized and the negotiables are just that.. 

*breathe*