When did you know?

For him, he said he knew it the moment he saw me at the airport...I think his exact words were, "you looked like an angel.." (Yeah, even I think that that was laying it on a little bit thick.... :P on a more serious note, the Keeper constantly reminds me that he believes that I am an answered prayer from God..how we had gotten acquainted when he had nearly given up all hope of meeting anyone..and how smoothly things have progressed and how well we get along and how well we complement each other...and he does treat me like a special gift from God..it makes such a world of difference!)

For me, it wasn't that moment I saw him in the hair salon and realized how handsome he can be.... 

It was on the first night we shared a bed in Wanderlust...
 

One of the biggest problems with growing up in Singapore is the constant exposure to American pop culture and I must admit that I have watched way too many TV programs and movies for my own good and even though I have been a Christian for the last 12 years, it was still hard not to buy into the idea of physical attraction/ sex / lust being the exact same thing as love.

After all, if you love someone, you will give your body to them as proof right? No? Or sex is a legitimate need and we should be free to fulfill out desires? No too? Then how about just testing out the goods and making sure that everything is in working order and are compatible? No? Waiting till after marriage to be intimate? What a quaint notion!

Even though the Keeper and I have been writing so much, I still wasn't quite sure what he was expecting...a guy friend who treats me like a younger sister told me this about guys..they will do almost anything to get into your pants and he followed that up with a real life example of his colleague who lives in New Zealand and flew to the US  for the thrill of sleeping with a girl he had gotten to know online- he had absolutely no intention of marrying her. He just wanted a conquest. (!!?!!!)

So back to the story....before the Keeper had booked his accommodation, he had the impression that I would be staying at the hostel and hotel with him as well. (After he went back to the US, he told me the thought of physical intimacy did not cross his mind at all- he just wanted to spend as much time as possible with me. A Southern gentleman indeed..)

I was definitely not going to stay at the hostel but wasn't so sure about the hotel...I wasn't sure what sort of a message I would be sending him and that was just putting the both of us in a very dangerous position...

And on the day before we checked into the hotel, I had given him a passionate lecture on how I wished to remain sexually pure with him before marriage...and he had agreed...and I had also quantified that knowing myself well, it was not going to be easy so the onus was on him. (This is something that I do not recommend anyone else to do, especially my own daughters!!!)

So..during that night...guess who was making the advances?

Not my proudest moment and not something that anyone reading this should be attempting...the Keeper kept his eyes closed and pretended to be asleep and then after a while, he returned the advances and all of a sudden, he sat up in bed, in a hunched position and let out a groan of anguish. (At this point, I thought he was going to give in...) He grabbed me from behind, wrapped his arms very tightly around me and told me in a very serious but gentle voice: 

"This is really difficult for me..because I am very attracted to you.....but I wish to honour God.."

Never had I felt so safe in anyone's arms.

That was when I knew..that this is the man I could entrust the rest of my life with..