and this is the book which the counselor recommended: (which I did purchase but felt somewhat guilty about reading because it's hard to think of my parents as being self absorbed and abusive...)
and today upon waking up, I was surprised to see a notification on facebook from my mom...she had commented on my week 25 bump shot photo....this is the first time she has ever commented on any picture (she doesn't even use the 'like' function..) so I was intrigued to see what she had to say..
and it was:
"Did you have a hair cut? Your face looks rounder."
And now, I think the purchase of the book was totally justified. And harsh as it might seem, it might not be that far from the truth that my mother does not understand how her speech and actions might negatively impact the people around her (and she doesn't care even if people tell her that they are hurt by her remarks). Just boggles my mind though....what deep rooted wrong beliefs does she have to be able to pass such a comment on social media to a daughter who is pregnant and who she knows used to suffer from a eating disorder?
It must take a whole new level of callousness and stupidity.
Speaking of which, last night the cell group went out for dinner and there was six of us in total..there was one older couple, a older lady who brought her teenage niece and Dennis and myself.
The older couple have a strange relationship...the guy even though he's in his late fifties, behaves like an annoying pre-teen boy and would frequently say things just to irritate his wife or tell jokes which are extremely lame and corny...and other people (and his wife) would react with obvious eye rolling...
we were seated at a rectangular table meant for eight and the wife was running a little late and when she arrived, her husband put his hand down on the chair next to him and said it was taken (it wasn't; he was being facetious) so she said, "Just as well!" and sat down two seats away from him and put her bag on the seat between them...
I thought it was rather awkward and made things seem somewhat tense...especially cos she was sitting all by herself separated from the rest of the group...to say that I was agitated is to put it mildly, I really wanted to smack that guy and ask what's in his brain?! Why would you treat your wife like that in public? It doesn't make you or her look good! It's not a good example for anyone to follow!
And the icing on the cake? I went to the washroom after the meal was finished and upon my return, my husband cracked a lame joke..referring to my pregnant belly, he said loudly enough for the whole group to hear, "Oh you obviously ate too much...!" I think I was a bit too shocked to react and just laughed it off..
But inside, I was really confused...why would my normally extremely considerate husband say something stupid like that? Ah, maybe it's the influence of that childish guy next to him... ?! (the husband did apologize after the dinner and this morning..)
I'm not sure too of the purpose of documenting all these... maybe something like a pouring out of toxins?
and my prayer? Father God, help to see people though your eyes, even when they knowingly or unknowingly say or do hurtful things and help me to pay back good for evil and to run to you for love and comfort first and foremost and to be cocooned in the safety of your truth and what you think of me and my appearance and be oblivious to even what my parents, husband or any one would say.
If it does not align with what you think, I will choose to discard it like trash. And lord, help me to have a heart that does not keep offenses and is able to forgive easily and quickly and to be at peace with other people. Please heal the parts of my heart which are wounded and give me the wisdom to overlook and to forget.
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