But I do feel this way.
Face timed my mom yesterday and the first thing she said was, "Your younger sister is pregnant!"
"That's great! How many months is she?"
"Humph! She's well ahead of you! She's already three months!!" (I wasn't aware there was a competition going on..)
Then she passed the phone over to my sister and we excitedly talked for about 30 minutes (we discovered we had many similar symptoms...like a slowed down digestive system and really really really bad gas..) until my mom decided that it's long enough and she wanted to hang up. But before hanging up, she said,
"Dad's wish came true."
"Oh?"
"He said that he wished that Chin Boon was the one pregnant, not you. Because your baby will be too far away for him to even touch."
I think i was too stunned to even reply and the call ended after that.
How stupid is that?!
Can't he wish for BOTH of us to be pregnant? Why must be it one or the other? Can't good things happen to everyone? And why does my mom have to tell me that and make it seem like there's some sort of rivalry going on?! Is there a bigger inheritance or more love for the oldest grandchild who will not even share your surname!? (And I'm not even going to start on the gender...my parents clearly value boys over girls...)
What is this?!
I think my parents are the sort of people who might never ever be happy.
During my wedding dinner, I made so many accommodations for them and felt that I had really bent over backwards but yet in the end, they still had nothing but complaints.
"The food was the worst we had ever eaten in our lives!!!" (maybe being dramatic is hereditary..)
I think I really try to be a 'good daughter'...to be responsible, have a job, give them money every month, get married and settle down...and give them grandchildren...
but ok, all these is just not good enough.
I thought I had already decided to stop wanting to please my parents but evidently that desire is still deeply rooted.
I can only say I am so glad I am physically very far from them. I have really tried to be filial and I'm sorry if it's always not good enough.
Jesus said in Luke 14:26 that "if If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple."
That sentence puzzled me for a long time...surely the God who is love personified, is not telling us to hate the people around us?
Recently someone explained the verse this way...that Jesus actually meant that if anyone loves their father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters and their own lives above how much they loved Jesus, then that person cannot be his disciple...
That made sense...and I think God might be wanting to spare us unnecessary pain and heartache when we put our hope and our first love in people who will fail us....that if He is the source of my well being and my security and identity and the one I seek to please the most, I can emerge out of bitter expectations ("why can't they be better parents? Why can't they be more understanding? More diplomatic? Wiser!?!") like what happened with my parents relatively unscathed...
It's ok, baby...even though your maternal grandparents don't think that you are such a great idea, you are God's beloved creation and He thinks the world of you and has destined you to be a blessing to the world. And of course, mom and dad already love you and welcome you.
That sentence puzzled me for a long time...surely the God who is love personified, is not telling us to hate the people around us?
Recently someone explained the verse this way...that Jesus actually meant that if anyone loves their father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters and their own lives above how much they loved Jesus, then that person cannot be his disciple...
That made sense...and I think God might be wanting to spare us unnecessary pain and heartache when we put our hope and our first love in people who will fail us....that if He is the source of my well being and my security and identity and the one I seek to please the most, I can emerge out of bitter expectations ("why can't they be better parents? Why can't they be more understanding? More diplomatic? Wiser!?!") like what happened with my parents relatively unscathed...
It's ok, baby...even though your maternal grandparents don't think that you are such a great idea, you are God's beloved creation and He thinks the world of you and has destined you to be a blessing to the world. And of course, mom and dad already love you and welcome you.
